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Maybe I have some things to confess.

First, about how I feel about my family (big family). Some friends and maybe this blog reader maybe know how my big family treat and see me. Starting about my choices about clothes, social life, faith, until partner. 

And I could understand some people will see me as someone that really suffering because of their behavior towards me. It was true. I was suffered, I still hate them, still hurt because of their words and acts, and I was so emotional talked about them.

But...

I told you, I am happy now. I am happy because now I am far away from them. I totally eliminated all the contacts with them. Delete all of their social networks, and blocked their numbers. 

With that, I can feel all of the hurts and pains are not going more and more, instead it just in that level, and I have no reason to makes me hate them more. And I become more and more don't care about their comments, their opinions, their point of views, because I know in all of them, I am a big mistakes. 

Second, is about my condition now. 

I am happy move to Australia, happy to meet lots of new people, new culture, new language, and everything is new. But, I still don't feel so comfortable here. Just because I couldn't have the same position as when I still at Indonesia. I still not able to work, and it is still so hard to find job here.

And because I still not working, means I couldn't do anything to make myself happy. Sometimes I want something, and I still have to compromise it with my partner. Mostly I ended up not telling him, because I think it will be hard for him. So I just keep it by my self, and it makes me hate my condition now. Because I change from someone who able to provide everything for myself, to be someone depending. And I hate that situation. 

Sometimes, this situation really pressed my brain so much. Because part of me still can't accept this conditions. Even we both know that this conditions will not last forever.