STOP Body Shaming (my story)

November 05, 2017

"You're too skinny! Make it a little bit fatter."

"You are so fat now!

"Oh my, your skin is darker now, did you have showered by sun?"

Have you heard about that comment? Or comment like thiat? Or, we, our self have did the same thing to our closest people? Friend? Siblings? Our friend that we just met yesterday? Or even the long time no see friend?

Then, after that sentence came out, and we angry, then we heard this answer:

"Why you have to be angry?"

"Hey, it's just a joke."

"I'm joking."

That is what happen in my Indonesian life. But, some of them don't know that what they did is a soft way of body shamming.What is body shamming, is the negative comment about your or somebody's body. Height, weight, skin color, or anything that at your body have.

Some of us maybe don't understand enough that body shamming is also part of bullying. What we don't realize is that the cause of this thing to the victim. Even what we don't know that body shamming is part of verbal abuse.

Let me tell you about my body shaming experience.

I maybe not born to have a great body like Raisa (an Indonesian singer), or having a face shape like SNSD's member face. Not like my mum, who is, even not as tall as raisa, she have a great body shape like Yoona SNSD. Even I don't have a dark skin, but not as light as my mum. My mum's face even like any Japanese cartoon girl at their comic books.

Don't you know that my body shape, height, weight, and also my skin color always become a good things to criticize by my own mum? Sentences like "you are not tall" or "you don't have a hip." or "Lucky you have a bright skin, even it's not as bright as mine." Has been my everyday critics since in my young age. I can't remember when the first time she criticized me, but, as long I stayed with her, that is the time I have to face all the critics she have about my body.

Closet became the only room that I don't want to come. I became really don't care about what's in fashion. I let my mum taking care of my clothes, and all the way I wear my clothes. She always prepare the "right" clothes for me, of course with some comments like "your body is having no shape, you will not going to be good with this kind of dress." or "you have no hip, this clothes will not fit you." Not to mention words like "your body is not like my body, look, I have very good body shape, you are not. Your body is ugly."

Even a couple year ago, when I already moved from home, and when I came to visit my parent. In front of the mirror, when I changed my dress, mum making another comments, "your breast is small, not like mine."

Before, my mother always said my body shape is a problem, my height is a problem, even my nose and feet shapes is ugly. Now she add my breast size is not as big as her. Can you imagine, how imperfect my body is.

Oh not to mention every time I enjoying the meal. Any meal, she always said. "Don't eat too much, you are fat. Have a attention to your own belly!"

What happen at the end? I always think that my body is so imperfect. Standing in front of the mirror not for admiring my body, but always thought and said how I hate my body. Fat, no hip, small breast, ugly nose, ugly feet. And always think to change my body.

One time, I became sooo skiny. 34 kilos in my middle 20-ish. I thought, maybe without adding my high, at least now I'm not fat, i have hip, my stomach is flat, and with a little help from the bra at least my breast is not too small. Even I'm not entirely change to be like what my mum want, at least mum will not criticize my body anymore.

Did my mum like it? No, she didn't like my new body. Too skiny, that is her reason. "You look older than your age." She said. Then asked me to change my body back to my usual body with adding "your body will be like that, your body never be like mine, your body is ugly."


I hate my body...

I really hate my body...

I hate my unseen hip, I hate my big nose, I hate my small breast, I hate my height. I hate my body.

That's what I always said in front of the mirror. So, my body become my weak point. I hate when people said something negative about my body. I don't like people making a joke about my height. I don't like people comment about my weight.

The result, I become emotional, angry, more hate my body, and then I hate, really really hate them who commented about my body.

I even sometimes scolded them, when they started to said something about my body, like "you are fat now." I don't like it, I don't like become fat, I don't like it because I am fat. Fat is ugly, fat is imperfect. That's what inside my mind.

I became panic when I knew my belly getting big. Started to get the short cut by drinking a diet pill. But it doesn't last long, I started to snacking. Eat this, eat that, even every 2 or 3 hours I need to munch something. Depressed because getting fat, but in the same time I need to eat to calm me down. Yes, I became calm when I munching my food then started to depressed when it finished.

I still feeling angry, and angst now, because I still receive that bullying in my social media. Here are some of the body shaming that I received at my social media:
This is my personal Facebook post at October 2017
English translation:
first guy: "the most important thing is you are fat"
second guy: "you are fat"
This is my instagram post at July 2017
English translation "you cheek getting chubbier, babe"
This is my instagram post at June 2017
English translation: "you are getting chubbier, babe."

How about now?
Now I try to put my self with the people who have positive mind about my and their body. Tried to eliminate all the body shamming comments. Tried to educate them about what is body shamming and the impact, and also giving positive mind and comment to all the people. Learn again to accept and to thankful about my body.

All of these is not easy, really really not easy.
The worried feeling because my weight getting up still there, but I try to face it with my positive mind. Really really not easy.
My greatest thank you to my boyfriend that always said "nothing is wrong with your body." Also to my friend that always give a positive words to me.

But, I still struggling...

The wound about the body shamming is unseen. Lots of it is caused at the victim psychological life.

Don't you know that what we have done all this time to our friend and family ("you are fat") is having a huge impact.

It's right,
Not all having a body shamming experience like me. But it doesn't mean no one not having their body shammed. It is also by chance that the it have done by my own mother. (don't worry, I don't hate my mother). And it continuances for the entire time I live with her.

But, I made this to make all of us understand, realize, and start to stop the body shamming that we do to people around us. Culture? Why we have to save the negative culture, but not the positive one. Does we want to be stamp as people with negative culture? Or maybe you want to be the cause of someone depression?

Beside depression, what else that the body shamming victim can have?

We all should realize that body shamming also help to create lots of negative characters to the victim. Beside depression, easily to get angry, angst, eating disorder, not feeling confidence, stress. Ah, almost all those disorder in me.

Dear friend,
Body shamming is not a positive thing. By saying "you are fat" is the reason that you are happy? No. The happiness measurement is not by us, but from the person it self. Giving a positive words is what we should do, but not the body shamming.

Body shamming is not a joke. It as same as when you are telling a sexual joke. A body of someone is not a joke. Start to stop all the negative comment to people around us, spread the positive comment instead. Does we want lots of positive comment rather than body shamming??

All the bodies that we have is perfect.

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