Life

Leave Toxic People in Your Life!

April 21, 2018




Hi all, I want to tell you about my story.

Apparently, for all this time, my life surrounded by toxic people. Started from my high school era, where one of my family starting to compare me with her daughter that five years older than me. As simple as I couldn't afford the computer by my self, while her daughter can. Which my mother said it wasn't fair because I wasn't working, but she did.

It actually didn't affect me much. Since I still young, and still naive about world at that time. Then when I took my bachelor degree outside my hometown, it affected me so much. Her and most of the family suddenly made up a story and theory that I wouldn't finish my school. Instead of finishing it, they predicted that I will getting pregnant. At the end, I finished my bachelor school in time, and not pregnant. Wrong prediction, but it already affected my mother so much.

It caused my relations with my mother not really good. She always blamed or angry to me towards everything. Can't stand the way she treated me, I decided to leave the house and lived at boarding house.

It took us a long time, until both of us put the white flag in our "war". Even thought we threw the white flags, but it didn't mean it over. I eventually found out that my mother still talked bad about me, with her family.

I didn't blame her, because I knew all of her behavior towards me because of her entire family that always told her nonsense about me. But you know, I was really upset with my mother because instead trusted me, her own daughter, she choose to trusted her family (which are they didn't stay 24 hours with me).

Apparently, these family behavior isn't stop. It keep going on and on and on, and getting ridiculous. When I still worked at my last company at Indonesia, they made up a story that I went to work with skirt and high heels. While the company rules said you couldn't wear any skirt or heels since they are oil and gas company, and I placed at their field.

Of course I didn't wear any heels or skirt at work. It could be ridiculous and of course I won't do it. And of course, their story came to my mother. Since I already tired with their attitude, and how they keep making me have a high tension with my mother, I just said to my mother that if she the person who really knew me and her family are, she will know which one is true which one is not.

And the last one, before I decided to get rid them from my life is when they suddenly commented about my partner. To be noted, that they never talked, met in person, or knew my partner characters. But they made this comment that my partner isn't a good person (at that time, we already have one year relations, and I already went several times to Melbourne).

And the most ridiculous thing was when all those stories wasn't affect my mother and my life so much, they then suggested me (towards my mother) to having a wedding ceremony at Indonesia, so it will be easier for us once we get divorce. I mean, how could some people had a gut to suggested about divorce, when even there wasn't a marriage, yet, and no problem between my partner and I??????

At the end, I thought that their "tentacles" were already became stronger. And before it become more and more stronger, I decided to cut all those tentacles away. I cut all the chance of communication with them. I erased all of their phone number, I unfriended, un-followed, then blocked all of their social media.

I did that to all the family member (except my own family), because I know no matter what kind of story I have, and no matter who knows it first, the entire family will found out and "create" another story with their own version, which is of course never been good.

For My Peace of Mind


My reason why I don't want to contact or trying to build relations again with them is because I want a peace of mind. I want to have a positive mind, want to always be positive and kind. I don't want to be feel always wrong, always never right, always be the bad one, and all the negative feeling.

I know, it actually not my mistake when I felt like that, but to get rid those negative feeling wasn't that easy when I still allowed them to keep did that to me.

And, don't you know, when I did letting them out of my social life, my life slowly getting positive. I slowly can get rid all the no reason jealousy, and no reason angst.

What is Toxic Person?

Try to look around, is there anyone that always give you negative vibes? Or is there any someone that every time you contact with them you feel tired, guilty, angst, and never right?

Some of the physiologist said, them who become toxic person is not because of them self, but most of it their behavior. If you see someone whose life always full of drama, you could consider them as toxic person.

According to Karen Young, you could see ten behaviors of toxic person:


  1. Not one of our words look good or right in their eyes
  2. They will commented (mostly negative), even at your tiny mistake
  3. They will not allow us to be different
  4. They will act they are fabulous and will show people that they have no mistake
  5. They will make you feel guilty for yourself
  6. They will criticized, control, and don't care about your feeling
  7. They will not care if you hurt because of them
  8. They will not know privacy, and the word NO means nothing for them
  9. They will not care about your feeling, and sometimes they love to see you suffer
  10. It's all about them, what they think, what they want, and what they feel
Do you think, you could find someone like that around your social circle? Or probably you still don't know that they already come to your life? According to Gale at Margarita, here are some characteristics of toxic people that you could find around you:

  1. We already affected emotionally to their "drama"
  2. You feel afraid to be around them
  3. You feel tired, or angst when you are with them, or even after spending time with them
  4. You feel guilty about yourself
  5. You are trapped at the same circle of person that you want to save, fix, or even someone that you try to care about
And Tatsumi, stil from Margarita, added:
  1. They will not respected every "NO" as a part of sentences
  2. You feel like you are at the eggshell when you are with them
  3. You are not recognize your own value
  4. You are out emotionally
  5. You feel being controlled or in control

And it also important for us to evaluate ourself. So we knew which side we stand, the one being toxic or the one that become the victim.

15 Version of Toxic People

Karen Young said, there are 15 version of toxic people:
  • The Controller
Do you feel that everytime you do you have to asks for permission? Like what kind of clothes, makeup, or anything you want to do? If you are being controlled to do it, that person that doing that to you, probably is the toxic person. 
  • The Taker
All of us agree, in every relations it about take and give. So, do you feel that you always give and give and give without being given? 
  • The Absent
Do you have someone that really difficult to contact with? Or everytime we need them, they seems to be really difficult to find? But everytime they need something they always appear? 
  • The Manipulator
Have you ever meet someone that always take everything we said in negative way? Making us guilty just because we want to explain something, but turn it makes them offended? This kind of person is a person that don't want any healthy relations, they just want to control you. 
  • The Bullshiter
They always makes people small around them, and have lots of reason to not to do what they say. You couldn't trust this person.
  • The Attention Seeker
You always feel you have someone that their life is full of drama? Their life is always have problem. Usually they just don't want your support, but they also want you to feel and 100% attention from you.
  • The One Who Wants to Change You 
Have you been commented, not pretty enough, too skinny, too fat, your skin is not light enough, too small, to tall, etc? This kind of person will never see the best of us. We will never be perfect in their eyes. Actually, the problem is not in you, but in their insecurity, and don't feel guilty about their insecurity. As long as we feel that we are smaller than them, they will keep making you like that. 

  • The One You Want to Change
Do you feel that you want someone change? From their fashion choice until their behavior? Maybe it's time for us to step back, and sees our self. Some people maybe worth to change, but it's not our work to make change them. 
  • The Abuser
At first, we probably not sees it, but it will build up, like high tension, and at the end it will blow up. And when it's happen, they try to fix it with very sweet and calm behavior, but the circle will go on and on.
  • The Jealous One
They want to know everything, and anything. Forbid you to have another good friend, or having a friend (for partner). 
  • The Worse-Off One
Seems their problems are bigger than us. For them we are their supporter, not supporting each other.
  • The Sideways Glancer
Sometimes you want to be acknowledge by surrounding, or by someone. And once them not seeing your ability, and not giving any chance to show, you are being treated by toxic person. 
  • The Cheater
Do you think a cheated person could be forgive?
  • The Liar
If the lies is too obvious, or it feel hurt, probably this person is the toxic person for you. Why you have to keep someone that always have a hurt comment on you? 
  • The One Who Laugh at Your Dream
Them who think your dream is a joke. Can you imagine this kind of person also the one who wants to change you? You will be their miserable clown.

Should You Go Away From Them?


Have you try to explain to them? Asking them to understand you? Or trying to keep a distance to them?

At the end, all we need are people who will change us to be better. It's time for us to step back and think. Do we, or them, is the toxic one. Because, the only person that able to change us first is our self.

How many people around you that giving you negative vibes? Especially at your mind. If you find them, it's time to step back, and let them go. Because being in the positive social environment will affect a lot. Especially making us to be a better individual, and healthy mind.

Benefit Erasing Toxic People Out Of Our Life

It always never easy to practice the theory. Especially when you have to be letting your toxic family.

We need self healing. Especially when it caused a trauma for our life. Erasing all the negative impact, having more positive vibe social environment will help us to heal all of the negative vibe that surrounded us. 

When we already surrounded by a positive vibes, we will automatically more relax, happier, and calmer, and of course more confident.


Of course, when I did that for the first time it so difficult. The guilty feeling because they are my family, but then... My soul is need more than negative feed. 

At the end, I become more positive, not because where I am now only. But letting the negative people, and surrounded my self with more positive vibes, positive people, positive environment. And it helping me to be more care about myself, and other. 

I am not worry anymore about their bad comments about me, or what I have now. Because they aren't part of my life anymore. And I am a happier person now. 

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